Your catchphrase might even be something like “it’s no trouble at all, really!” This is because we’re so eager to make others happy, we blurt out “of course!” and “yes!” before it even occurs to us to say “I can’t right now” or “no thanks.”
#Fight flight freeze fawn cptsd how to
You don’t know how to say ‘no’ to people.įawn types are almost always stretched thin. The painful irony is that often times, you’re the one obscuring their ability to see you in the first place. If no one sees your authentic self, it can lead to feelings of being misunderstood, and even resenting the fact that no one really “sees” you. The more you fawn and appease others, the more likely you are to feel unknown to others, even in your close relationships. If you’re a fawn type, you’re likely very focused on showing up in in a way that makes those around you feel comfortable, and in more toxic relationships, to avoid conflict.īut the downside to this is that you’re not necessarily being your most authentic self. If it sounds familiar, you, my friend, probably know a thing or two about fawning. I’m going to share seven struggles that a lot of us seem to experience as people-pleasers. I can only speak from personal experience, but there are a number of commonalities among “fawn” types that I think are worth noting. It resonated with so many you, and since then, I’ve gotten a lot of questions on how to recognize this type of response in ourselves, particularly in our day-to-day interactions. Often times, it stems from traumatic experiences early on in life, as I described in last month’s article. It’s a maladaptive way of creating safety in our connections with others by essentially mirroring the imagined expectations and desires of other people. In a nutshell, “fawning” is the use of people-pleasing to diffuse conflict, feel more secure in relationships, and earn the approval of others. The term was first coined by therapist and survivor Pete Walker, who wrote about it in his groundbreaking book “Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving.” And let me tell you, as a concept, it thoroughly changed the game for me. Last month, I wrote about the fourth type of trauma response - not fight, flight, or even freeze, but fawn.
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